Tags: polyamory, perma-crush
I have little experience with polyamorous relationships. Having never been in one myself, it’s difficult for me to comprehend the complex emotions involved with having more than one physical partner. Within my relationships, I become fixated on one person for all physical needs. Other needs, such as emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social are also extremely important and become divided between my significant other, my friends, my family, my colleagues, and acquaintances in no particular order.
I was enamored with an older guy in high school. He introduced me to a world I never knew existed. A world of dumpster diving, train hopping, veganism/freeganism, street art, living off the grid, how to live above the city rather than in the city, and secret hideaways in the midst of urban development. I idolized him. I still do.
This beautiful person, we’ll call NoJo, also introduced me to polyamory. He was dating someone else the entire time we lived in the same city, but he seemed unconcerned about his transparent physical advances and the intimate moments we shared due to what he called an “open relationship.” I was so enchanted by him, and still had the morals of a teenager, so I gave the other girl very little thought. But as I’ve grown older, and as I’ve been recently reintroduced to polyamory, I feel a need to reevaluate what my morals are in regards to complex partnerships.
What sparks this post is my perma-crush on the Meteorologist. Currently in a long-term relationship, he stated to me that he and his partner had been considering the benefits of an open, polyamorous arrangement. Though the details are not yet worked out, the Meteorologist conveyed to me that emotional, spiritual, and intellectual needs were being met, but they each were still attracted to other people and craving that further physical needs be met. This is when I realized how different our views were on relationships. Of course it’s never the same with each relationship, but I find am constantly seeking physical compatibility with partners and emotional support from friends, while the Meteorologist found primarily emotional support from his partner and still craved physical elsewhere.
There’s really no right answer here, just different ways of thinking – all of which I’m trying to embrace and encourage a level of understanding within myself. Especially if I am to engage in anything physical with the Meteorologist, I feel it’s important for me to sort out these thoughts before the situation were to arise. I have met his partner and though I would apparently have her blessing, I feel like I’d still be going behind a friend’s back to “steal her man.” Or perhaps it would be my intentions that would muddy any physical encounter. Would my inherent monogamous nature sully what’s meant to be a good time? How emotionally involved do you get with each partner in a polyamorous relationship? I’m really looking forward to reader contributions on this subject to help me understand further the (undeniably) natural and human urge to have multiple partners.
As for now, the Meteorologist and his partner still have details to work out before embarking on their journeys. In the mean time, I will continue to wade alone in this confusing world of “available” and “unavailable.” Please comment below or submit a post to firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter.