In honor of the upcoming spookiness, I thought it timely to share with you a conversation I had with the rugged and wonderful Mr. PanamaJack last Sunday about how his dating life was going, and he told me this harrowing tale. Enjoy this Halloween Treat from the Vault of Dating Horrors! -Captain Cadmium
PanamaJack: While texting with the woman from Tinder [who PanamaJack was supposed to go on a first date with this weekend], she asked me what type of attorney I am. She was having issues with her ex…there was additional drama with that. She texted me the next day, apologizing. This was Saturday, the day of our proposed first date. That day she asked me to push the time back a few hours. I showed up a couple of minutes early to the cafe where we’d planned to meet. Sent her a text 10 minutes after she was late to let her know what table I was at. She texted me 20 minutes late saying, sorry but she wasn’t going to make it. She was still at the gym, had lost track of time, and was having a bad day. She apologized a few times and said she still wanted to meet up another time.
Cap’n Cad: This is sooooo awful. In the words of Dan Savage, DTMFA. Not that you needed me to tell you that. This is appalling. APPALLING! [Little did I know just how bad it would get.]
PJ: Oh, it got worse. She told me the ex was a molester and sodomized animals before they were married.
CC: Before he married the animals? How blasphemous!
PJ: No, silly, before he married the Tinder woman. Talking to her was like watching a car accident. You just can’t turn away.
CC: No. Way. So how did you leave off your last communication?
PJ: I told her good luck with all of that. She said it had been nice talking to me. I asked her why and she said my answer had come off as a little cold. She needed validation so badly she was trying to find it from someone she had never met before.
CC: That’s really sad. Her life sounds like a combo of terrible luck and bad choices.
PJ: My thoughts exactly. I hope she finds a counselor along with some inner peace and strength. I’m not that person and dating is not the way to find it.
CC: Wise of you to know that.
PJ: It’s still hard not to get caught up in wanting to be the white knight that rides in to save the day. This is something I’ve had to learn from personal experience.
CC: No kidding. I also have done that a few times over and it’s pretty sucky in the end. But look at you now.
PJ: It’s nice to pretend I know what I’m doing, at least. It’s a mistake I will probably make again when it’s not so obvious.
CC: So you’re saying you’re human?
PJ: Haha, exactly.