Category Archives: Captain Cadmium

Great articles about choosing a life partner.

If your relationship goal is life partnership, check out these wonderful articles over at Wait, but Why!  Hilariously written and illustrated with AWESOME wisdom to boot.

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html

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10 Things You Ought Not Say on a First Date With Me (if you Want a Second Date)

1.  I am about to quit my [steady restaurant management] job because I now grow and sell marijuana, which is a lot more lucrative.  Half the duplex I rent is already planted and the harvest will be in February.

2.  I have a baby-mama AND;

3.  I met her while working as a bartender at [a super shady local bar].

4.  We got pregnant within a month.

5. We got engaged when we got pregnant.

6. We had a ton of conflict and broke up after the first kiddo was born.

7. She’s a crazy and really angry person.

8.  Though we never got married, we had a second kid in spite of the issues mentioned above.

9.  The kids are 1 and a half and three years old.  Their mom moved them 6 hours away without my permission.  Because we never got married, I have little legal recourse to see them.

10.    I am about to use all my marijuana-growing money to hire attorneys to get my kids back from their deadbeat mother.

Sorry, not sorry for not calling you for a second date, sir.  Involvement with you, even on a friendship level, would likely cause disruption to the serenity I have worked so hard to cultivate in my life as a single person.

No kisses for you,

Captain Cadmium

A Halloween Horror Story from PanamaJack

Dearest Crew,

In honor of the upcoming spookiness, I thought it timely to share with you a conversation I had with the rugged and wonderful Mr. PanamaJack last Sunday about how his dating life was going, and he told me this harrowing tale.  Enjoy this Halloween Treat from the Vault of Dating Horrors!  -Captain Cadmium

PanamaJack: While texting with the woman from Tinder [who PanamaJack was supposed to go on a first date with this weekend], she asked me what type of attorney I am.  She was having issues with her ex…there was additional drama with that.  She texted me the next day, apologizing.  This was Saturday, the day of our proposed first date.  That day she asked me to push the time back a few hours. I showed up a couple of minutes early to the cafe where we’d planned to meet.  Sent her a text 10 minutes after she was late to let her know what table I was at.  She texted me 20 minutes late saying, sorry but she wasn’t going to make it.  She was still at the gym, had lost track of time, and was having a bad day.  She apologized a few times and said she still wanted to meet up another time.
Cap’n Cad: This is sooooo awful.  In the words of Dan Savage, DTMFA.  Not that you needed me to tell you that.  This is appalling. APPALLING! [Little did I know just how bad it would get.]

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Captain’s Log, 9/19/14: Just Don’t

I posted an ad on Craigslist for a fishing buddy in the hopes that I’d meet a nice man who would enjoy the outdoors with me, help me improve my flycasting and teach me some fishing hot spots in the area.  I did meet someone- We’ll call him Just Don’t. We met up after exchanging several emails and a couple of pictures (nothing racy- that’s not how I roll).  His pictures were nothing to crow about, but the guy wasn’t hideous or anything, and he used pretty solid grammar, spelling and mechanics in his emails, so I figured, why not meet up and see what kind of chemistry was or wasn’t there.  Continue reading