Something that I have struggled with for a long time is having the courage to be alone. I am afraid of being alone; so afraid that I fool myself into staying with horrible and abusive men with the hopes that my love will be enough. I think, “If I just do more and show him how much I love him, things will get better.” This poem by Ntozake Shange has stuck with me for at least a decade. It is one of the most powerful pieces of prose I think I have ever read, mostly because I see so much of myself in it… the sadness, the resolution… realizing that someone has taken the essence of you and realizing they don’t even know (or care) they have it… and the anger that eventually comes when you’ve had enough. Continue reading
In honor of the upcoming spookiness, I thought it timely to share with you a conversation I had with the rugged and wonderful Mr. PanamaJack last Sunday about how his dating life was going, and he told me this harrowing tale. Enjoy this Halloween Treat from the Vault of Dating Horrors! -Captain Cadmium
Hi Relation(ship) ladies and gents,
I met a man three years ago, whom I dated and have kept in touch with off and on, we’ll call him Confused. In hindsight, we had the most amazing time getting to know each other. On our second date, he took me to a restaurant situated on the bank of a local river. It was a beautiful, crisp September afternoon so he suggested we go for a stroll along the water when we finished our lunches. We walked along the bike path for a while, and stopped to admire the water before heading back to the restaurant. This was the perfect moment, in my opinion, to stop and put on some lip gloss, which did not go unnoticed by Confused. He said, if memory serves me rightly, “Your lip gloss smells good. Can I taste it?” I replied with a chuckle and said, “Sure.” It was then and there that we had our first kiss. Continue reading
Tags: dating, emotional intimacy, reader submission
I’ve had difficulty with relation(ships) all my life. Instead of having a vessel crewed by two and hovering over the sea of fish, I’ve only found other ships sailing in the same direction and we barter for pleasant emotions. Sometimes I’ll travel with one on a strong wind, ride with another on a smooth recurring current, or even survive a torrential storm out of the blue with one, but every ship must sail on until they find their port with the crew that will always stay by their side. I have not.
There’s much to be explored in life, much like the ocean, so I have to ask myself, “Will I ever see it all when it is always changing? When it is always developing, burying, covering and uncovering the new and the past? Is my relation(ship) open-seaworthy and able to hold a crew, or am I to stay a course conquering the drifts on my own?”… What about you?