Tag Archives: horror stories

Crew Entry, 10/17/14: My Stuff

Something that I have struggled with for a long time is having the courage to be alone. I am afraid of being alone; so afraid that I fool myself into staying with horrible and abusive men with the hopes that my love will be enough. I think, “If I just do more and show him how much I love him, things will get better.” This poem by Ntozake Shange has stuck with me for at least a decade. It is one of the most powerful pieces of prose I think I have ever read, mostly because I see so much of myself in it… the sadness, the resolution… realizing that someone has taken the essence of you and realizing they don’t even know (or care) they have it… and the anger that eventually comes when you’ve had enough. Continue reading

Captain’s Log, 8/1/06: The Cheat: Chapter 2

Tags: emotional affair, long-term relationship, monogamy

I suppose that was rude of me to not go ahead and just post Chapter 2…

So here we are. We’ve moved in together. A series of strange things have happened that I fail to notice through my Buddhist-colored glasses. I am in love. I think he is the one. I am infatuated. I cannot think of anything else and I could not fathom him ever hurting me.

The majority of the first year was great. We had so many amazing adventures. We spent a lot of time traveling and taking photographs, updating our Flickr accounts religiously. It wasn’t until the end of that year that I started to notice him creating distance in our relationship. He spent long hours on social media, instant messenger, and email. He became closed off and angry if I entered the room while he was on his computer. What was going on? I let it slide. Happy. Carefree. 20.  Continue reading

Captain’s Log, 1/1/06: The Cheat: Chapter 1

Tags: emotional affair, long-term relationship, monogamy

Where do I even begin? …This is the story of the one and only relationship that destroyed me during and in the years to follow. The only relationship that taught me not to trust. Taught me to envelop myself in insecurities. Taught me to give without reciprocity. Gave me a stomachache, headache, and heartache for three years. This is the story of the only time I have ever allowed myself to love someone – I haven’t been able to give myself the same way since.  Continue reading

Captain’s Log, 9/19/14: Just Don’t

I posted an ad on Craigslist for a fishing buddy in the hopes that I’d meet a nice man who would enjoy the outdoors with me, help me improve my flycasting and teach me some fishing hot spots in the area.  I did meet someone- We’ll call him Just Don’t. We met up after exchanging several emails and a couple of pictures (nothing racy- that’s not how I roll).  His pictures were nothing to crow about, but the guy wasn’t hideous or anything, and he used pretty solid grammar, spelling and mechanics in his emails, so I figured, why not meet up and see what kind of chemistry was or wasn’t there.  Continue reading