Tag Archives: juggling

Captain’s Log, 11/10/14: Defining the Perma-Crush

Polyamory_pride_in_San_Francisco_2004

Tags: polyamory, monogamy, perma-crush, physical encounters, emotional intimacy

Warning: This post contains entirely too much content.

I called the Buddhist a cheater, but I am also one. When you make a promise to your partner to be monogamous, you relinquish all rights to act on desires external to that relationship. You have promised to let your partner be the only one who can attempt to meet your physical (and majority of emotional) needs. You have made a promise declaring that if you slip in any humanly way, then you are no longer trustworthy or deserving of that person’s love.

I have been made to feel terrible about myself for 14 years. I have crammed my overwhelming capacity for love into a tiny monogamist box and told one person to hide it deep in the attic. Instead of allowing it to gather years of dust, however, I became even more determined to locate its hiding place.

What follows is a list of five memories I have been pondering for weeks that have given me clues to my true essence in relationships. Put together, they reveal for me answers as to why my behavior in the past has been frowned upon, scolded, and downright puzzling for some people. I thought everyone felt this way, but I am becoming more aware that perhaps the cheating Buddhist did not squelch my ability to love, but rather freed me to realize I am in love. I have always been in love and nothing can stop me.  Continue reading

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Captain’s Log, 9/15/14: Storm’s A-Brewin’

Tags: dating, emotional intimacy, juggling

Oh boy, I’ve gotten myself into a situation. Or rather, I should say: Oh men, I’ve gotten myself into three.

These past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion, confusion, and frustration. I’ve been reeling from one guy to the next, never certain where my heart lie or if it was even involved. Dear Ángel fell to the wayside as I reconnected with Speakeasy from the past, and then in stormed the Meteorologist from my even more distant past. They’re coming out of the woodwork! – an idiom that has been all too prevalent the past few days.  Continue reading