Tag Archives: physical encounters

Captain’s Log, 3/27/04: This Stolen Night

These past two months have been a whirlwind of sinking, scrambling, and sidelining with little swimming. I find myself newly transplanted in my hometown, back to the bittersweet midwest. Not only does it feel great to be back in a real city, but my first thoughts upon solidifying this decision were of the Ambassador (read a bit of background on our relationship here). I would have picked a much less silly name for this perma-crush had I known he would now be at the forefront of my thoughts. Continue reading

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Captain’s Log, 11/10/14: Defining the Perma-Crush

Polyamory_pride_in_San_Francisco_2004

Tags: polyamory, monogamy, perma-crush, physical encounters, emotional intimacy

Warning: This post contains entirely too much content.

I called the Buddhist a cheater, but I am also one. When you make a promise to your partner to be monogamous, you relinquish all rights to act on desires external to that relationship. You have promised to let your partner be the only one who can attempt to meet your physical (and majority of emotional) needs. You have made a promise declaring that if you slip in any humanly way, then you are no longer trustworthy or deserving of that person’s love.

I have been made to feel terrible about myself for 14 years. I have crammed my overwhelming capacity for love into a tiny monogamist box and told one person to hide it deep in the attic. Instead of allowing it to gather years of dust, however, I became even more determined to locate its hiding place.

What follows is a list of five memories I have been pondering for weeks that have given me clues to my true essence in relationships. Put together, they reveal for me answers as to why my behavior in the past has been frowned upon, scolded, and downright puzzling for some people. I thought everyone felt this way, but I am becoming more aware that perhaps the cheating Buddhist did not squelch my ability to love, but rather freed me to realize I am in love. I have always been in love and nothing can stop me.  Continue reading