1. I am about to quit my [steady restaurant management] job because I now grow and sell marijuana, which is a lot more lucrative. Half the duplex I rent is already planted and the harvest will be in February.
2. I have a baby-mama AND;
3. I met her while working as a bartender at [a super shady local bar].
4. We got pregnant within a month.
5. We got engaged when we got pregnant.
6. We had a ton of conflict and broke up after the first kiddo was born.
7. She’s a crazy and really angry person.
8. Though we never got married, we had a second kid in spite of the issues mentioned above.
9. The kids are 1 and a half and three years old. Their mom moved them 6 hours away without my permission. Because we never got married, I have little legal recourse to see them.
10. I am about to use all my marijuana-growing money to hire attorneys to get my kids back from their deadbeat mother.
Sorry, not sorry for not calling you for a second date, sir. Involvement with you, even on a friendship level, would likely cause disruption to the serenity I have worked so hard to cultivate in my life as a single person.
No kisses for you,